just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
