What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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