I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
