they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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