Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
