its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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