do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
