He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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