if i died would you start the facebook group?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
