I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
