I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
