Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
