Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
