fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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