I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
