He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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