Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
