Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
