so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
