Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
