oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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