The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
