Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
