just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Boobs are out for the taking
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
