i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
