i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
