This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
