It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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