hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
