I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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