You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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