I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you traded sex for a burrito?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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