I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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