two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
