i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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