my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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