Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
