i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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