At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
