Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
