Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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