Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
