bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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