Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
