i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
