Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
