I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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