hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh god it's open bar.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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