In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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