VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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