I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
