I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
