Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
