We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
