Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
