I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
