plz talk dirty to me
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
