Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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