Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my sisters under your porch take her home
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
