I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
