there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
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So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
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He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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