If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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