you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
