My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
