Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
