yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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