bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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