I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize