im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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