he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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