I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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