I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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