just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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