I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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