I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
