im six kinds of drunk right now
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Never joke about your clitoris.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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