So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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