Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
