Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
